1.6 About That Night

The eyes on the Sims may be a little off because I changed to a different default. I think it made Declan’s eyes green instead of the brown it once was. Strange, but I like it just the same.

Credit: The poses used in this chapter are the Don’t Be Sad, Baby posepack by IMHO and Fear Posepack by Akuiyumi. Both poses can be found in the Credits page.

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Dink! Dink! Dink!

The only thing keeping me from vomiting up my intestines was me focusing on the loud sounds of the raindrops splashing against the metal drain pipes. My stomach ached with a gut-wrenching pain as I sat on the cold tile floor and leaned against the wood-paneled wall. I rested my flushed face in the palms of my hands and sobbed. How did my life end up like this? What did I do to deserve this? Was I that much of a bad person to deserve so much hatred? My entire journey flashed quickly in my head as I saw my mother’s evil grin, my father’s lifeless body in a pool of his own blood, and Blair’s eyes glaring down at me.

Wait, what? It was then I suddenly remembered something from that night. Blair’s eyes glaring down at me. The background was dark and I couldn’t see anything else. I lowered my gaze down to the blue tiles that cascaded across the bathroom floor and tried to remember that night. I was drunk and he took me home. Then I woke up the next morning and felt as if I were hit by a Mac-10 truck.

Then it hit me again. “Oh my god,” I whispered to myself.

My memory of that night quickly hit me all at once as if I had stood in the middle of a two-lane highway full of oncoming traffic. It was the morning after he took me home…After I had woken up feeling sore all over…When I went into the bathroom and decided to take a shower…I didn’t notice it then, but I realized it now that I didn’t have on any underwear.

The very thought that I had been violated made my stomach wrench in pain once more causing me to scramble to the toilet to release my intestines again. My knees felt weak and shook as I slowly arose from the cold floor and stood in front of the mirror. The color from my face had gone and I was beginning to feel lightheaded. I needed to get out and I needed to do it fast.

The air was cool as it brushed lightly against my warm skin. I visited the river across the way from my home and stood at the foot of the bank. The water looked inviting as the sunlight danced upon the waters. I daydreamed of the day that everything would be normal for me again, even though I knew it was only wishful thinking. Nothing about my life is normal nor will it ever will be. My stomach groaned loudly and I could feel the hollowness inside. Seeing that I just upchucked everything I ever ate in life, I wasn’t surprised. But the idea of eating at a time like this was out of the question. I wanted nothing more but to just die right now.

Daylight broke as the nighttime evaded the skies. I hadn’t acknowledged the nightfall until I heard footsteps coming from behind. Declan. The crunch of the autumn leaves he walked upon showed the pattern of his walk. I can always tell when he’s approaching me.

“Corrina? I thought I saw you over here. Are you okay? I’ve been calling you for the past hour.” He stood a couple of feet away from me as if he were afraid to come any closer in fear I would snap at him. But all I could do was nod my head as I kept my gaze out onto the river. “What’s wrong? Why are you just standing out here like this?”

“What is this, Twenty Questions?” I shut my eyes and lowered my head in anger. I don’t know why I was getting angry. It wasn’t his fault. I just wanted to be left alone.

Declan stepped closer to me and continued to stare into my eyes. I spun on my heels and faced him. “What do you want, Declan? Why do you keep staring at me? Why are you even here? Just leave me alone!”

“No. I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” I could see the concern growing in his eyes by the second. He wasn’t use to me acting this way and I didn’t blame him for worrying. Usually I always spoken to him about my problems, but this time, it was much harder. This time, I didn’t want to admit it. Not out loud.

I sighed in defeat and shifted my eyes to the ground. Something I was good at when I wanted to avoid eye contact. How do I tell my best friend this kind of news, especially when the news involved one of his friends? “There’s something that I have to tell you,” I said. “I just don’t know how to tell you.”

“Just tell me,” he replied warmly. I stood for a minute in silence trying to figure out a way to break the news to him. Declan rose his hand towards the grass. “Why don’t we sit and talk, huh?” I nodded slightly and we sat next to each other on the cool green grass.

“You remember the morning you came over with Brook for the first time?” I asked. Declan nodded. “Well, remember when I had mentioned that I was really achy and I thought it was from all the alcohol I consumed the night before?”

“Corrina, just tell me,” he said softly.

“Well since then, I’ve been throwing up a lot. Pretty much every day. I don’t remember when the last time I had a period. And today, while I was puking my insides out, I suddenly remembered that the next morning when I went to take a shower, that I didn’t have any underwear on.” I paused to gather my scattered thoughts. Declan looked at me in confusion. “Declan, Blair attacked me that night…and I think I might be pregnant because of it.” Declan’s eyes narrowed as he look out onto the river. “I couldn’t remember anything because I might have passed out from all the alcohol.”

Declan hung his head and sat in silence for what seemed like eternity. Then without warning, he gently placed his hand upon mine and without taking one look at me, he said, “I’ll kill him.”

Declan quickly arose to his feet and started heading towards the street. I immediately went after him. “What are you going to do?” I asked.

 “I’m going to kill him.”

“You can’t do that!”

“Why not? He can’t just get away with hurting you!” Declan’s eyes narrowed with anger and his lips pressed tightly together as he kept walking to the road.

“Because you’ll be just like my mother! Besides, I need you!” As soon as the words slipped out of my mouth, we both stopped dead in our tracks. He turned towards me with a look of astonishment on his face. What the hell are you doing, you dumbass?! Take it back! Take it back right now! “I mean…You’re my best friend. You’re all I have. And if you get arrested I won’t ever see you again.” Nice save. I never knew anyone wanting to put their life into  jeopardy for me and seeing Declan so enraged on my behalf was a little bit of a turn on. He genuinely cared about me and I was starting to see that now. Would it be so bad if I did allow something to happen between us?

Declan looked out onto the streets as if he were contemplating life or death. I came up closer to him and placed my hand on his shoulder, hoping that I could calm him down and prevent him from doing something stupid. He gave me a small smile as he turned to look at me. Then before I knew it, he turned towards me and pulled me into his arms. My body went limp in his arms and I knew he noticed it because then his embrace became tighter. “I need you, too,” he said, burrowing his face into my shoulder.

I found myself not wanting to let go of him and with everything that had been going on, it was perfectly comforting. I felt safe around him and I knew he would never intentionally try to hurt me. But as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t let him fall in love with me. I would only end up disappointing him like I did with everyone else in my life.

“It’s getting late…and cold,” he chuckled after letting me go from his warm embrace. “Let’s get you home.” I agreed and he walked me across the street to my house. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked once we were inside.

I nodded reassuringly. “I’ll be fine.” Declan gazed into my eyes and smiled. He insisted he would call once he got home to make sure I was alright. I agreed, knowing how concerned he was for me. It was endearing. Almost endearing enough to tell him how I truly felt about him. But instead, I pressed my lips together to keep the words from rushing out while I watched him walk towards his car. I can’t keep destroying everyone I love. Otherwise he’ll end up like both my father and my sister. Dead.