3.7 I’m Not Ready

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I loved fishing. 

My dad taught me when I was little. Every summer, we would find the perfect fishing hole to spend the day with each other. Just me and him. How time flies. Now here I was fishing by myself. Although my fishing pole was cast into the lake, I wasn’t fishing for anything. I just needed something to take my mind off of it. 

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Although it seemed like my childhood went by in a flash, I still remembered every bit of it; even the moments I wanted to forget. They were burned into my memory forever, becoming apart of me. Apart of who I am. Maybe this is why I’m like this. Because of her.

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I came out here because it was peaceful and secluded. I came out here because it was a beautiful place. I came out here because I needed to feel something else. Anything else than what I was feeling now. How could I do this? I know I had the support of my family, but I can’t rely on them forever. I’m not built to be what they want me to be. At least, I don’t think I am. I think I’m a lot more like her than I thought.

Selfish. Self-centered. Heartless.

How can I not be with all these kind of thoughts going through my head right now?

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Before I knew it, I was pulling my fishing pole out of the water and placed it on the ground before I started walking. With the directions in my pocket, I knew exactly what subway to take and what streets to cross. I didn’t hesitate at all. It was now or never. And I couldn’t afford never. Better yet, they couldn’t afford never. Not with me anyway.

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The wind was brisk, but mild as I walked through downtown of Meadow Hills. The streets were filled with cars and buses as they swept by to and fro. The rows of store held many shoppers and music danced in the air as I passed by the county fair. It was still morning; early enough to get this done and get to school before anyone even missed me. My dad, Annalise or my siblings would never know. Nobody will ever know.

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I picked up the pace as I saw my destination up ahead. I couldn’t wait any longer. If I hadn’t ran, I would’ve turned back around and went off to school. I would’ve chickened out. Then everyone would know and I would be stuck. A life would be destroyed even more than now. I didn’t want that. That was the whole purpose of doing this, wasn’t it? To save a life? I’m doing a good thing. 

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Nothing good can come from this if I turn around. I’m not the right one for this type of job! Look at what I came from? Nothing but destruction and hatred. Sure, I had it good later on, but the damage has already been done. Could I do the same? If I’m anything like her, I know I could.

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I’m only seventeen. I’m not ready for this.

I’m not ready at all.


Note: The reason for this chapter being so short is because this is a back story, explaining what Adelia had been keeping a secret for so long. In the next chapter, more will be explained. 

Thanks for reading and commenting!

3 thoughts on “3.7 I’m Not Ready

  1. Oh, she was so young. She truly wasn’t ready, especially not for something like motherhood. It’s terrible that she had been keeping it all to herself for all these years ( with the exception of her therapist, I suppose).

    • Yeah she was young and afraid and unsure of herself. Even though she had the support of her family, she carried the fear of her ending up just like her mother at that time–before she started the therapy sessions, that is. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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